So many people are so content with dumping things. Getting rid of memories, getting rid of people, getting rid of objects.
I'm not.
It's a flaw.
This flaw I have causes nothing but problems. As my friends get older, they become less attached to everything around them. They get rid of whatever the fuck they want, not giving a shit who they hurt or how their actions can affect the people that they once called friends.
This doesn't happen to me. But I see it happen to other people. My friends don't understand that beginnings and ends do not come hand in hand. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it's really a good thing. The ability to coast through life, not forming secure attachments, and leaving things while feeling satisfied regardless. Breaking ties without being depressed for months. It's a good thing.
It's a strength.
I form some pretty strong attachments to some of my friends. Some of the people I know. Sometimes, the people I form strong attachments to don't actually make sense. To anyone. Especially not them.
I often wish that I could affect my friends' lives even half as much as they affect mine.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
The extent to which I care.
One of my lesser-known attributes. Want to know a secret? I love and cherish all of my friends. Even the friends I don't care about much, I still like them. Even the friends who aren't friends. Just acquaintances. If Grey Blanco asked me to give him a ride to Tramway, I'd oblige. If Gabby England asked me to take her to Los Lunas, I'd hop on that sinking ship in a heartbeat. Actually, I did.
It's a shame. That no one knows this about me. It's okay. I'm posting it on the LOL INTERNET so that LOL MY FRIENDS CAN READ IT ONE DAY. There are a good two people who know the extent to which I care about my friends. And they happen to be my girlfriends. Former and current.
I do care. A lot. My main problem is that I give and give, generally more emotional capital than I can afford to give. I take out loans. Borrow some, give more. So when I've given all I can give, and more, I'm left with less than zero emotional stability. I try my best to make my friends happy, and help them with their problems, without making them hate me. Or, at least I try. I find that, as I get older, people want my help less and less. To accomodate this change, I have changed myself. I'm less of an asshole. No really, I promise. I may lash out at people, but I only do that as a defense for the people I care about. Or even people I don't give a shit about.
I'm in a rut.
I would like it if people took time to realize I'm not as much as a prick as I was. BUT OH WELL. What I have is what I have, and I need to accept it. I have my four friends, and I'm fine with it.Or, rather, four of my friends actually like me. Accepting it sucks. And maybe I haven't done it. But whatever. You have my word, e-diary, internet strangers, and people I know. I will prove to you all the extent to which I care, and I will do it subtly enough so that you don't hate me because you think I am forcing it.
Stupid
High school
Bullshit
(its a shame i cant get out of it)
<3!
It's a shame. That no one knows this about me. It's okay. I'm posting it on the LOL INTERNET so that LOL MY FRIENDS CAN READ IT ONE DAY. There are a good two people who know the extent to which I care about my friends. And they happen to be my girlfriends. Former and current.
I do care. A lot. My main problem is that I give and give, generally more emotional capital than I can afford to give. I take out loans. Borrow some, give more. So when I've given all I can give, and more, I'm left with less than zero emotional stability. I try my best to make my friends happy, and help them with their problems, without making them hate me. Or, at least I try. I find that, as I get older, people want my help less and less. To accomodate this change, I have changed myself. I'm less of an asshole. No really, I promise. I may lash out at people, but I only do that as a defense for the people I care about. Or even people I don't give a shit about.
I'm in a rut.
I would like it if people took time to realize I'm not as much as a prick as I was. BUT OH WELL. What I have is what I have, and I need to accept it. I have my four friends, and I'm fine with it.Or, rather, four of my friends actually like me. Accepting it sucks. And maybe I haven't done it. But whatever. You have my word, e-diary, internet strangers, and people I know. I will prove to you all the extent to which I care, and I will do it subtly enough so that you don't hate me because you think I am forcing it.
Stupid
High school
Bullshit
(its a shame i cant get out of it)
<3!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
