Death.

I'll wait patiently for the death that can finally bring us all back together.

When I said this, I wasn't particularly kidding. I want someone I know to die. Someone who doesn't matter. Someone who me and my friends can mourn, someone who will bring us back together. Because I am a sick fuck.

Homesick

I was homesick for a home that didn't exist. I filled myself with thoughts of coming back home from Mexico to have fun with my friends, do anything I wanted. Then I realized, I have no friends. The friends I do have don't ask to hang out with me, and I am too terrified that they hate me to ever hang out with them. I'm trapped in a shell that I created, and I have no idea how to GTFO.

I think, it's time to put on my asbestos gloves and get hot and dirty with these people. And if I write it in a blog, it's like, a promise to the no one who reads this because lol I am never going to link anyone here. But at least it's a promise to someone who is not me.

If I turn off all my emotions and just say "oh hay lets chill" with like, anyone, I think I can probably get away with being social again. Honestly though my heart is pounding just from thinking of the possibility of doing that. What happened to me?